Active listening 101: Great leaders listen at the highest level
People are either transmitters or receivers. Transmitters talk, and receivers listen. But it doesn’t mean that what is said is heard.
In my last post, we talked about the seven levels of Energy Leadership and how leaders are anabolic (constructive) or catabolic (destructive). How you listen is anabolic or catabolic, too: the reception crystal clear or full of static.
There are three ways leaders typically listen actively, ranging from ineffective (Subjective) to better (Objective) to best (Intuitive).
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Subjective listening is catabolic, and therefore unsatisfying and frustrating to the speaker. A leader who listens subjectively comes to the table with an agenda and often responds as a victim. They have a wall up to the speaker, and conversations go around and around without any solutions.
For example, here’s what a conversation might sound like between, say, a VP of Product and her direct report:
Direct report: “I’m not sure this is the right product vision.”
VP of Product (listening subjectively): “I worked really hard on this.”
This response is very low-level leadership. Subjective listening is exemplified by Level 1 and 2 leaders. Leaders who listen this way want to control the conversation.
Objective listening is one step above subjective listening, yet not wholly effective as it doesn’t get to the “heart” of the matter. A leader who listens objectively focuses entirely on the other person who is speaking. Still, objective listening can dramatically improve communication.
Direct report: “I’m not sure this is the right product vision.”
VP of Product (listening objectively): “I hear you. What would you like to do about our product roadmap?”
It’s gratifying because the speaker knows that they heard them, but this level of listening generally does not offer deep insight or solutions.
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Intuitive listening is the highest level of listening. It requires not just hearing the words but tuning into the speaker’s tone, body language, and essence — in other words, what is not said — without considering how it makes the listener feel.
Direct report: “I’m not sure this is the right product vision.”
VP of Product (listening intuitively): “I get that you’re unsure about our product vision. I can see how you’d have concerns. How do you think we can improve it?”
Intuitive listening is what people do at the beginning of a special personal or business relationship. Leaders who listen intuitively are completely absorbed in the conversation and pick up on nuance, hearing what the other person is saying between the lines.
These leaders tend to be Level 5 leaders and above, solving problems efficiently, turning challenges into opportunities, and focusing on solutions. In the beginning, intuitive listening can be exhausting until the skill is mastered.
Leaders who listen intuitively are completely absorbed in the conversation and pick up on nuance, hearing what the other person is saying between the lines.
Intuitive listening also makes it possible for you to dial into what life is teaching you. From our example, the VP of Product may have continued to ignore product issues or growing employee unhappiness. Moreso, she might have missed out on important information that could impact the business.
Like we mentioned, intuitive listening is hard work. But it’s necessary if you want to have influence. Here’s how to start:
Acknowledge what they said
“Let me see if I’ve got this.”
After listening intuitively to the other person, repeat back what they said using their own words. Notice how the VP of Product repeats “product vision” (and didn’t say “product roadmap”). Get confirmation about what they said: “Did I get that right?”
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
— Theodore Roosevelt
Validate their concerns
“You’re justified in feeling this way.”
Rule #1: Never tell someone, “I know how you feel.” In most cases, this can be infuriating. Think of how many times someone said to you, “I know how you feel,” and how it felt to you. There’s no way any of us can know exactly how someone else feels. Instead, show respect for their point-of-view.
Ask open questions
“Help me understand more about why you feel this way.”
Questions that don’t have a “yes” or “no” answer open up a dialogue and address the pain of the problem. Gather as much information as possible. Then, ask follow-up questions to get to a productive outcome. From here, you can then provide your interpretation of events and ask if they agree.
Intuitive listening puts you in the driver’s seat and helps you to solve problems faster. It’s the key to better sales and employee engagement. That said, it’s a skill that must be learned and honed. As in most personal development practices, you first have to know where you’re at to see where you need to go. An Energy Leadership assessment can help you gauge what kind of listener you are, and how you show up as a leader to your people and organization.